She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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