I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
