Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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