I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
