The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
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I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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