I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
