Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize