One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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