But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I didn't shave. On purpose
he thought i was a dude.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
