At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
