there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
