So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
