Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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