she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Shame is for Republicans.
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