It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
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of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
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Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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