Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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