i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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