problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
