Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
