see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
