so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
