her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
