So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
