You can't motorboat a personality
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
