At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
