I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
