but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch