you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.