don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
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had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
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If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n