made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW