the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?