So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
