Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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