I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
