They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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