I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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