I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Those nachos came to me in a dream
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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