Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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