i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
