I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
