i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
