Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
