u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
