i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
