PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
