my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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