I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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