TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
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You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
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You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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