nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
