my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
