I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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