My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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