I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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