Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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