you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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