I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
