I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize