Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
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