I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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