go do what you do best...puke behind churches
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
