After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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