4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
