i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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