Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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