eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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