I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
