Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.