Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.