I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.