if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.