hell yes lets make some ravioli
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.